So I went back through notes of my client conversations, looking for a pattern. I also looked back at my own failures and the blockages I was facing in my life at the time. From this exercise sprang a simple formula which I now call my ‘ABC CDE of success’:
- Ability – do I have the skills and knowledge to achieve this goal?
- Belief – do I believe I can do it and do I believe I deserve it? This includes having high self-esteem
- Clarity – am I definitely sure this is what I want?
- Courage – am I brave enough to face and defeat my fears?
- Desire – how badly do I really really want it?
- Empathy – do I respect other people enough to get their willing co-operation?
Once you have those six, what can possibly stop you achieving your goals? Lack of luck? No, because you make your own luck. Lack of resources? No, because determined people will always find the resources. I have been using this six-step formula with new clients and it is helping me identify their blockages and find a way forwards more quickly. And by the way, for this formula to work, you need to feel deep down that your life is precious – see the post called ‘How to feel forever young’.
Which of the six is most important? It depends on the person, but after reflecting on some recent calls where people had made less progress than they could have done towards their goals, I would plump for ‘Belief or ‘Desire’.
So, if you find yourself getting stuck or frustrated or under-achieving, take an honest look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Do I really believe I deserve it?” As Richard Jackson of Mancroft International says, ‘you cannot out-perform your self-esteem.’ And then: “How badly did I really want it? Did I absolutely yearn to achieve that goal? With every breath and sinew of my being?” You can lie to others when they ask you that question, but you can never lie to yourself.
And if the Belief and Desire were definitely there, which one of Ability, Clarity, Courage and Empathy was lacking? And if that doesn’t work, what is missing from my simple little formula? Suggestions welcome (ideally beginning with an ‘F’… ‘Failure is OK’ maybe? )
This week’s affirmations:
- I have the ability to succeed
- I deserve and desire success
- I clearly see what I want from life
- When I am brave I am everything
- I ask for support from others
Next week: Stop and listen to the soundtrack of your mind